Twighlight and Tanless Sunning

(photo cred eonline.com)

Is the vampire trend going to bring back pale-chic?

To make myself feel better about my pasty peel, I often evoke the idea, or tale, that back in the day, say Victorian times, white, pale, pasty, skin was all the rage. I’ve done some research on the topic, and it seems the reason white flesh was considered the best, had to do with class. Those who spent time working the fields, outdoors, would become sun-kissed and tanned, a marker of being part of a lower class. Those who remained fair likely spent their days indoors, away from the sun’s harsh rays, probably sipping champagne and eating strawberries (okay, I’m totally picturing scenes from Marie Antoinette). Still, in some non-western cultures, a colorless casing is considered a marker of beauty. Men and women all over Southeast Asia don facemasks, gloves (pre-MJ death), and hold umbrellas to protect their peels from the sun. But somewhere along the line in our culture, milky-white complexions gave way to bronzed bods, and those of us who are melanin-challenged were sent on fruitless expeditions, eager to enhance our epidermises.

Tanning salons are too dangerous, spray-tans too fake, and it’s really, really, tough to find the right bronzer. Now, I’ve been lucky. While my white pelt gets no color from the sun, (freckles if I’m lucky) I discovered body bronzer not too long ago.

Trying to tan without sun and cream, however, is quite the process. It involves the very careful application of face and body-bronzer, learning to add natural “highlights” and can be very dangerous for some light colored-clothes.

I think, though, there might be a glimmer of hope for us ghostly gals. And his name, is Robert Pattinson. No ladies, he doesn’t dig anemic flesh, but the whole vampire fad invading all forms of media is propping up the pasties. Pale is the new tan, and it’s all thanks to vampires.

Sure some of our pasty pals are thirsty blood-sucking, night-thriving, socially-deviant murderers. But others are becoming sex symbols. Forget the spray-tan and photoshopped complexions, it’s all about having a naturally colorless rind. Gone are the days of cancer-causing oils and reflectors; let us stand together and embrace our whiteness. If Edward and that guy from that Anna Paquin show can be paxty (a morph between sexy and pasty), we can too.

But alas, I am in LA, the birthplace of bronzed beauties. I think I actually help other people get more tanned by reflecting sun from my flesh. While I have faith that fair is coming back full-force, I’ll wait a bit to totally expose my membrane. Until then, I’ll be body bronzing.