Love Letters in Cyberspace: Pillow Talk or Public Chatter?

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("I Love You" in binary computer code)




I eagerly awaited this past Monday. Not because in my PMS haze I longed for chocolate (which I did, obviously), or flowers, or any of cupid’s predictable presents. I was waiting for the biggest gift of all: public proclamations of love. I’m addicted to reading ridiculous rants, way-too-personal postings, and laughable love letters on social networking sites. I often frequent Lamebook for late-night laughter. But this past Monday, I knew I would hit the mother load: Valentine’s day - on Facebook. A veritable day of gushy gab manifested in the public domain. There were the predictable culprits, those who feel it necessary to send a love note on their lover’s wall, even though they live together or see each other daily. “Happy Valentine’s Day, my beautiful girlfriend” one post read. Chuckle. Then there were the inevitable lonely hearts, “Really wishing I had a boyfriend today,” someone said. Another grin. And of course, there was correspondence: the two-way Facebook convo between a couple for the whole world to see. Female: Happy V-day to the love of my life! Male: I love you baby! Female: I love you more, my beautiful, handsome man! Naturally, a laugh-out-loud situation ensued. But my chuckles soon turned cerebral: why is it that couples feel the need to proclaim their love in the contrived virtual universe? Is it not enough to say it to one’s face? Have the days of verbal communication vanished?


the parting of privacy

We live in an age where privacy is a mere memory, and what was once personal, is now public. And I’m not innocent! I have a Facebook, a Blog, a Twitter, a Website, Links, I’m all over the world wide web. Maybe I’m old school when it comes to articulations of amour, but shouldn’t that stuff be, you know, kept private?

In trying to understand what would cause someone to publicly post their feelings of love, especially correspondence with said love interest, I arrived at a few hypotheses (with help from some similarly private pals).

There’s always been a place in the public sphere for romantic rhetoric: think love songs of the 1980s, poetry readings in the 19th century, and Shakespeare. However, communiqués have mostly been between two people. Discovering love letters from the past evoked elements of voyeurism; a feeling of impeding on privacy. Kids of the future won't need to look far to find their parents’ precious declarations of devotion: they’re right there on their Facebook walls!



virtual performance

Perhaps these chatty cyber couples feel a need to constantly communicate. Or maybe, they didn’t quite say how they felt that morning before heading to work, and their partner left his/her cell phone at home, and can’t log in to her/his email or private messages on Facebook, so a wall posting is really the only way to send that love message. More likely, however, is a feeling of insecurity. People probably feel they are proving something to the rest of the world by openly communicating their love in the virtual public sphere. Maybe they feel others need to know how they feel about each other, or maybe they’re lacking something in person, or in their own lives, and feel that by declaring it on Facebook it will somehow be true or at least give the appearance of truth. This is true of virtual personalities in general. Many people have a Facebook persona completely different than who they are in person. There’s also an entrenched element of narcissism associated with these posts. Insofar as, do these public posters really think that anyone else even cares about their very personal and deeply intimate sentiments? If it’s not enough to tell the person you love, you love him or her in person, or in private personal correspondences, maybe something is missing. Why feel the need to proclaim a deep, intimate, true feeling in the most fake, artificial and contrived environment on earth? If you feel the constant need to publicly express your feelings in the virtual world, perhaps you’re lacking something authentic. Or, maybe you’re just an exhibitionist. Either way, to many of us who keep our private lives private, it appears as though you’re overcompensating. And just remember, that stuff never disappears. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve dabbled in searching through postings of previous love-interests' former love communiqués, and let’s just say, it ain’t pretty.